Three F-words for Anger

By: Jill Mazza

It is said that those who do not learn to manage anger effectively will be controlled by it. Anger is a normal emotion that we all experience at times. When felt strongly, anger can be termed as passion. Communication style and personality dictate how anger is expressed. Let’s think about anger as passionate, emotional energy that can serve to inform rather than control us when we choose to use it productively.

A certain F-word is commonly used to express anger. This word is offensive in some settings and does not fully articulate how we feel or what we want to do about it. Consider reflecting on and using the three powerful yet practical F-words below to increase control, clarity and confidence when feeling passionate and seeing red:

Friction

Emotional friction is a natural part of relationships. When angered by other people or circumstance, we feel slighted, disrespected, deceived or manipulated in some way. We also feel disappointed, hurt, embarrassed or ashamed as a result of our own choices to devote time, energy, emotion, money and other resources that have not been reciprocated or valued as we had expected.

Feeling angry is a personal accountability call-to-action that challenges us to reassess our interpersonal strategies or to make graceful exits from relationships that do not serve us best.

Flow

Forgiving, forgetting and releasing angry energy – and people – can be extremely difficult depending on the complexities of certain situations and relationship dynamics. Still, holding onto insights gleaned from experiences helps to enhance the flow of our lives, careers and relationships in more healthy, balanced and strategic directions.

George Santayana, philosopher, literary and cultural critic said, “Those who cannot learn from history are doomed to repeat it. Those who do not remember their past are condemned to repeat their mistakes.”

Fortitude

We co-create dynamics in the workplace, with family, friends and intimate partners. Anger is a natural and inevitable emotion within significant relationships and can be one of life’s most instructive teachers – as can the people who anger us. There is opportunity in anger to gain mental and emotional strength while building character. We can leverage passionate, angry energy by taking more personal responsibility to identify and own our feelings while becoming increasingly astute in responding to conflict.

In brief, we can use anger to bring awareness to aspects of our life that require attention and discipline toward creating the personal and professional realities we say we want. Intentionally viewing anger as a chance to manage emotional friction, to create productive energy flow, and to gain fortitude in the face of adversity is a smart approach.

Friction. Flow. Fortitude. This is a useful mantra that encourages self-development when dealing with anger while being passionately appropriate and charming. Not all F-words are created equally.

Jill Mazza is an ICF Credentialed Coach and corporate trainer helping clients to communicate with increased control, clarity, and confidence on the job and in personal relationships. Contact: mazzacoaching@gmail.com.