Are You Being Treated Unfairly? Assume Nothing.
By: Mary Lee Gannon
Ever think that you are being treated unfairly? My question is this: Are you REALLY being treated unfairly or is that your assumption? Our perception is ours to own but may not be reality. To focus on it pushes us to perseverate on feeling disempowered instead of opening our minds to how we may be proactive.
When Life Doesn’t Seem Fair:
1. Use only “I” statements and not “he” or “she” statements to describe what is going on. ”I am noticing that this person is ignoring me. I wonder what her perception is of me. I wonder what I could have done to make her assume that. I wonder what I can do now to alter that perception.” NOT: “He never treats me fairly. He has favorites and they always get all the perks. He is overrated.”
2. Be “curious” and “compassionate” to the other individual.What is she afraid of that prompts her to act this way? If she fears that I am not respecting her and this makes her look incompetent then maybe I can validate her with a genuine compliment. If he fears that I am not doing my job and that reflects poorly on him then maybe I need to inform him of the measurable accomplishments I have contributed to the team and ask what else I can do to help.
3. Envision the other party as a seven-year-old child. What would you do differently if this person who has been treating you unfairly was a child? This person may be thinking like a child if he is behaving badly toward you. What can you do to calm her inner child?
Make no assumptions about what others think. Indeed, you may be being treated unfairly, but to focus on what others think renders you powerless. Most likely you will be too focused on feeling personally assaulted which leaves you feeling victimized. You can only control what you think. Concentrate on what pro-active measures you can take to bring peace to the situation for yourself and the other party.
Get Mary Lee’s advice on how to “Get Unstuck.”
Mary Lee Gannon is a personal turnaround, leadership and productivity expert who went from being a stay-at-home mother with
four children living a country club life to the reality of a difficult marriage, divorce, homelessness, and welfare. As a guest speaker,
she demonstrates how she went from an earning capacity of $27,000 to president and CEO. Her book “Starting Over – 25 Rules
for When You’ve Bottomed Out” is available in bookstores and
online. Email Mary Lee at info@StartingOverNow.com.