Halloween is here. How do we know? Loads of candy on the supermarket shelves? Masks ranging from the old-fashioned, Lone Ranger “cover the eyes,” to your favorite rock star or politician? The all too familiar Pittsburgh “black and gold,” seeming to fade away to the seasonal “black and orange?” Well, all of those speak to the season, however, I’m not sure anything brings Halloween closer to us than ghosts. We see them everywhere. Hanging from our neighbor’s trees, flat cut outs taped to the inside of school windows. Sheets with eye- holes blowing from flag poles in yards along the block. Ghosts standing on sticks in someone’s garden. Suddenly, ghosts surround us, reminding us that we can’t be totally sure that the people we see and talk with every day are the only people who are creeping into our lives.

For many of us, Halloween ends, and for many people thinking of ghosts is tucked away until the next autumn when the hauntings start to return. For those of us who are mediators, though, or other kinds of conflict resolvers, ghosts have a life of constancy. They are ever-present in the processes we facilitate. In fact, ghosts frequently are the difference between a conflict getting resolved and a conflict getting firmly stuck.

Who are these ghosts? Well, they don’t appear as hazy apparitions or hazy greyish white fogs that move and shift across the room. In fact, nothing about them is physically visible. Yet, their presence is powerful and, in many instances, controlling …

The ghosts we conflict resolvers face are voices. Not voices in the room – voices outside the room, voices in people’s heads, or hearts for that matter. They are the voices of people not present, not overtly participating in the conversation, and still, fully existing in the world outside the room. They have views, messages and opinions. In some instances, they can be threats. Ghosts often have a vested interest in the outcome of the conflict others are trying to resolve.

In some mediations, ghosts can be the real people who have the actual authority to agree to the terms of a final settlement. They live in a different geographic location, sit near a phone and send signals to the negotiator who is physically present. In other instances, the ghost is the haunting voice that has been speaking in someone’s head for a long time, delivering messages: good mothers don’t do this; just do what you’re told; people will think you’re ___ if you _____; we will never have enough money if you don’t hold out; never trust a person who _______. When we’re working in situations involving a municipality the ghost might be a school board member who isn’t present, someone who is planning a future campaign against one of the people trying to resolve the current conflict, or a solicitor who has turned the matter over to outside counsel.

One thing that makes dealing with ghosts so difficult is that we first face the task of realizing we’re dealing with a ghost. Then, as conflict resolvers we have to figure out who the ghost is, the role the ghost plays, and how to even begin to talk about the fact that the ghost is in the room and having a strong influence. Talking about ghosts can be hard. Sometimes a party to a mediation isn’t even aware of the ghostly impact. Talking about ghosts can be a transitional moment requiring a delicate intervention.

Another difficulty handling ghosts is that it’s impossible to deal with a ghost directly – at least within the framework of conflict work. As much as we try to be sure the right people are present and participating in a process such as mediation, and though we’re successful when the right people can be identified, too often we have no idea who the ghosts are until the conflict begins to feel stuck. One of the wonderful aspects of working with people in conflict is seeing how possible it really is for people to influence each other and change. We facilitate, guide and support change all the time. But not with ghosts. Ghosts aren’t inside the process. They don’t have the experience created by the participants. The emotional and evocative story someone tells in mediation can’t move a mediation ghost. Ghosts don’t see the reality of various financial calculations. Ghosts don’t hear the analysis offered by a party’s attorney.

Yet, as with more traditional, spiritual mediators who some see as a bridge between this world and the other world, our job as a conflict resolver calls upon us to mediate between someone actually in the room and a ghost who is not present. That’s what it takes, in moments, to reach into the heart of the conflict, and it’s that reach that helps people get to a different place, helps get to a resolution.

Halloween is here this year. Halloween will come and go, and come another year. Halloween ghosts will be put back into the box and reincarnated in the next season. But for conflict resolvers, ghosts are much more than holiday delight; they are the constant call to work more deeply, more vigorously, and to remain in the search.

(Top image: Giorgiomtb1/Getty Images)

The Anti-Antagonist is a personal opinion column by Ann L. Begler, founder and principal of the Begler Group, a Pittsburgh firm providing services in mediation, advanced facilitation, conflict coaching and organizational development. You can e-mail Ann via Ipso Facto.

I haven’t gone trick-or-treating in at least two decades, but my affinity for all types of candy has never waned. As a kid, I would come back from trick-or-treating and dump out my pillowcase full of candy on the kitchen floor, digging through my treasures to pick out my favorites. I always rejoiced over the full-size peanut butter cups (naturally) and thought very carefully about how I would ration my candy-eating over the coming weeks. My mom would allow us to eat one piece of candy when we came back in from trick-or-treating, and then the rest had to be put away for another day. If your neighborhood was anything like ours, your kids come home with an insane amount of candy. If you’re looking for some ideas of what to do with all of that leftover candy, check out the recipes below. They all use some sort of candy or candy bar as an ingredient, and there are even a couple of recipes for homemade versions of favorite pieces of candy!

1. Chocolate Malted Whopper Cookies

2. Chocolate Mint Brownies

3. Chocolate Peanut Butter Cup Ice Cream

4. Colossal Reese’s Pieces Chocolate Chip Cookies

5. Grasshopper Mint Chocolate Bark

6. Homemade Peanut Butter Cups

7. Homemade Snickers Bars

8. Leftover Halloween Candy Bark

9. Malted Milk Ice Cream

10. Monster Cookies

11. Peanut Butter Blossom Cookies

12. Peanut Butter Cup Crunch Brownie Bars

13. Peanut Butter Cup Rice Krispies Treats

14. Peanut Butter Snickers Cookies

15. Two-Ingredient Ice Cream: Reese’s Mini Peanut Butter Cup Ice Cream

What was your favorite Halloween candy growing up?

Michelle Norris is a passionate foodie, baker, writer and eater. Visit her website at www.browneyedbaker.com for hundreds of delectable recipes and planning tips.

I have always loved chocolate chip cookies, but most specifically, chewy chocolate chip cookies. As a teenager, I ate way, way more than my fair share of Soft Batch chocolate chip cookies. Once I began baking on my own, I turned my nose up at cookies that were flat and crisp, always leaning toward the thicker, chewier cookies. About four years ago, I was certain that I had found my chocolate chip cookie nirvana in the thick and chewy chocolate chip cookies. It’s the only chocolate chip cookie recipe I have made since that fateful day in June of 2008, up until this past weekend. After seeing a number of different popular cookie recipes floating around the Internet for the past couple of years and receiving questions about them from readers, I thought that taste-testing all of them in a “throwdown-style” fashion would be the only way to truly judge them. It’s hard to compare tastes and preferences when you eat something months apart, so I made four separate batches (three new recipes to go up against my all-time favorite), grabbed a big glass of milk, and got ready to do my tasting.

It worked out that a bunch of my family was getting together this past Sunday for some family time and to celebrate my uncle’s birthday, so I subjected all of them to some cookie taste-testing (I know, slave labor, I had to drag them to the table  ). I printed out some forms so they could judge each cookie on a scale from 1 (bad) to 5 (excellent) on appearance, texture, flavor, and overall. I then asked everyone to pick a favorite.

Everyone was such a good sport and had fun, taking their judging jobs very seriously. THANK YOU to my family for indulging me (and helping to cut down on the amount of cookies that will be staring me in the face for the next week)!

THE CONTENDERS

Below are the cookies that contended for the title of “best chocolate chip cookie”:

Cookie A: Cook’s Illustrated Thick & Chewy Chocolate Chip Cookies

Cookie B: Alton Brown’s “The Chewy” Chocolate Chip Cookies

Cookie C: Cook’s Illustrated Perfect Chocolate Chip Cookies

Cookie D: The New York Times Chocolate Chip Cookies

THE RESULTS

Below is a recap of the key differences between all of the recipes, and the results of the voting by my taste-testers (11 total). As you can see, there really is no such thing as a bad chocolate chip cookie!

THE WINNER!

While all of the cookies were enjoyed by the taste testers, there was definitely a clear favorite – Cookie D (the New York Times Chocolate Chip Cookie) was named a favorite by 6 of those that sampled the cookies. That was double the next highest vote getter, Cookie B (Alton Brown’s “The Chewy”).

I think the task of picking a favorite chocolate chip cookie is much like choosing a favorite child – they’re all special for their own unique qualities.

As for my favorite? It was hard to be completely unbiased with Cookie A tugging on my heart strings – it’s been my favorite for so long! That being said, I really, really loved The New York Times chocolate chip cookies. They are massive, thick, chewy, loaded with tons of chocolate, and the combination of dark chocolate and sea salt really makes for some killer cookies. When I have the patience to wait an entire day for chocolate chip cookies, I’ll be making those. When I need an immediate fix, however, I’ll still turn to my old standby, and maybe even rotate in Alton Brown’s cookie for a change of pace.

I’d love for you to try some of these recipes and let me know what YOUR favorite cookie is!

THE RECIPES

You can access all of the recipes from the throwdown by visiting the links below:

Cookie A: Cook’s Illustrated Thick & Chewy Chocolate Chip Cookies

Cookie B: Alton Brown’s “The Chewy” Chocolate Chip Cookies

Cookie C: Cook’s Illustrated Perfect Chocolate Chip Cookies

Cookie D: The New York Times Chocolate Chip Cookies

Michelle Norris is a passionate foodie, baker, writer and eater. Visit her website at www.browneyedbaker.com for hundreds of delectable recipes and planning tips

While the “issues” people hold onto and the reasons they do so may vary according to their race, religion, family values, work environment, socioeconomic status, or nationality, the process of “letting go” is universal and more human nature than cultural.  Letting go or getting “unstuck” is the biggest challenge people face who want change.  Their inability to do so leaves them feeling paralyzed and helpless – often feeling victimized.  When you invite in vulnerability and release expectations you can realize peace and fulfillment.  If you hold onto anger, hurt, disappointment and contempt you won’t uncover peace.  But how do you “let go?”

Seven Secrets to “Let Go” and Be Happy

1.  Sit of your ego.  Say nothing.  Listen only.  Develop a forgiving attitude (most people are doing the best they can.)  Be kind to unkind people (they probably need it the most.)

2. Let go of faulty assumptions.  Success, love, fulfillment, and peace are not only defined in one way.  Others need not agree with your definition of these.  If these are defined in your head by what you think the standards are as set by others you will feel an insatiable gluttony in trying to meet them.

3.  Put down the hoops.  Holding up hoops for yourself or others to jump through in order to feel worthy, loved, and successful is exhausting.  You will never be satisfied.

4. Stay in Your Own Head.  Don’t take on the perception of others.  You can only deliver information, presentations, outcomes etc. from your own perspective – from what you are thinking – not from what others are thinking.  If your fear is public speaking, build your confidence by erasing the head trash vision of a poor performance and replace it with the feeling of having performed well.  Fear is felt because you saw yourself from another person’s eyes under-performing   Get outside of their head and back into your own head.  Concentrate on being behind your own eyes and feeling the adrenaline rush from having done well.  Envision yourself at the end of the journey having succeeded.

5.  Be curious and assume the best.  When it comes to yourself, ask yourself who you are trying to please.  The standard should be set by your own value system.  If someone lets you down, drop the expectation and listen for the specific fear that is precipitating their behavior.  What is their value system?  How has it been threatened?

6.  Recognize the consequences of not changing your perspective.  What has being a perfectionist cost you?  What relationships have been compromised from your expectations?  Can you afford to keep doing it the same way?

7. Create a “Motivation Declaration.”  In the crucial moments when you tend to revert to bad habits you will rely on your Motivation Declaration to keep you on track.  Write this statement from the perspective of why you never want to be in the place described in #6.  Keep this statement on a small card in your desk, purse, mirror or kitchen so that you can draw on it whenever you feel you are reverting to bad habits.  Start now!

Mary Lee Gannon is an executive coach and turnaround expert who
went from being a stay-at-home mother with four children to divorce,
poverty and then on to become a newspaper reporter, trade
association executive director, public relations consultant, and
foundation president and CEO. View Mary Lee’s free career tips,
worksheets and Blog on her website at www.startingovernow.com.
Contact Mary Lee or sign up for her free e-newsletter at
info@startingovernow.com.

STANDING FIRM: The Business Case to End Partner Violence is a free membership organization that alerts employers to the financial, safety and human costs of partner violence on the workplace and workforce and arms them with tools for taking effective organizational action.

Is Your Company Prepared?

Somewhere in our region…

• A marketing executive is “reading her email” behind a closed door.  She has come to work after a long night of abuse, physical and emotional.  Her “email time” is her transition time from being an abused wife, to a corporate leader.
• A crane operator is angrily talking to his wife on the phone for the tenth time that morning when he fails to hear the frightened calls from his coworkers to “STOP!”  He drives the crane into a fellow construction worker, critically injuring him.
• A sales clerk at a popular clothing store spends her day distracted, looking out of the front window of the store fearfully watching for her ex-fiancé.  She left him three days ago, ending their long, abusive relationship and this is her first day back to work.

Imagine this…

• A female US Department of Labor employee was almost fired because she hadn’t come to work for several days.  As it turned out, her husband had kidnapped her and duct taped her to a chair. She was able to escape and later returned to work.  He came to her workplace and shot and killed her several days later. Tragically, there had been signs evident to others at work that all was not right, but no one knew what to do. Not only was this a horrific event, but the devastating effects rippled through the office.

This last scenario was described to STANDING FIRM staff by Bernadette Smith, STANDING FIRM Community Champion, whose husband, Lowell, witnessed this murder. Neither Bernadette nor Lowell will ever forget it.

Bernadette Smith is an extraordinary business leader and humanitarian.  Because of her passion for women’s rights, she has been engaged with the work of the Women’s Center & Shelter of Greater Pittsburgh.  More recently, she has been speaking out about the need for employers to join STANDING FIRM.  By joining, employers take an active role in learning how to Recognize the business case to address partner violence in their workplaces; Respond by taking effective action steps; and Refer to available community services.

According to Ms Smith, “If an employer is not going to implement best practice action steps for altruistic reasons, then they should do it for the effects partner violence has on their bottom line.”  Studies show that every year, partner violence costs companies $727.8 million in lost productivity and $5.8 billion in health-related costs.  Additionally, more than 7.9 million paid workdays are lost each year due to PV.  Employed batterers use company resources to harass and intimidate victims.  PV heightens workplace violence risk when batterers come to your workplace for the purpose of harming their partners.

Ms Smith goes on to describe that many well-intentioned, but misguided managers and co-workers want to help victims, but often provide very dangerous advice, like “leave him right now!”  That’s why she points to the importance for all employers to join STANDING FIRM to learn effective ways to avoid the scenarios and real life events described above.  Is your employer prepared?

Go to www.standingfirmswpa.org for more information.

Susan Nitzberg, MPH, serves as Associate Director, Outreach for STANDING FIRM. She has extensive leadership experience with community and non-profit organizations.

Even though I am a total sun goddess, summer girl, I would probably have to say that October is my favorite month.  There are the obvious reasons, like the sweet smell of the air, pumpkin and apple farm festivals, beautiful leaves, and Halloween.   But there is one reason that seems to be gaining more and more momentum each year…Oktoberfest!  This year aside, due to a certain little package expected to arrive in December, I would definitely be doing my share of participating in the festivities!

Since beer is a major component of Oktoberfest, I thought this would be the perfect opportunity to do a piece on organic beer.  These days, beer tasting and beer drinking is not just for the blue-collar( I hope I am not offending anyone) pallet anymore.  Just like winemaking, there is a complete science, craft and art behind it all.

Due to previous articles I have written, I don’t think I really need to go into a great amount of depth as to why you should go organic, but in case we have some green newbies or first time readers(hatchlets, as I like to call them)joining us, I won’t skip it.  The bottom line is this, what you consume, you are.  So, doesn’t it make sense to put an apple into your body that has not been sprayed with poisonous toxins and pesticides, versus an apple that has?  When you choose to go organic, you choose to free your body of unnecessary toxins and you take a stance on economic and environmental wellness.

Based upon all of the research I have done on the topic of organic beer, there is a big stink about hops.  At the current time, beer labeled “organic” does not have to be 100% organic.  There is 5% of non-organic ingredients, which has allowed a loophole for non-organic hops to be used(hops made 100% organically are supposedly extremely difficult to grow). This has caused quite an uproar in the beer world, and on New Year’s Day 2013, organic breweries claiming their brews to be “organic” will be forced to use organic hops, making 100% of the ingredients organic.

Due to the difficulty in growing organic hops, supply is down while demand continues to be on the rise. Out of this issue, CoHOPerative was formed.  It’s a great idea and website, because smaller breweries and organic breweries can go onto the site and pull together their orders and buy the hops in bulk, which in turn decreases cost all the way around.  Now that’s what I call teamwork!

Here’s a list of some organic brews for you to check out!  Cheers!

Deschutes Brewery, Green Lakes Organic

Fish Brewing Company, Organic Amber Ale, Organic IPA, Organic Pale Ale

Kona Brewing Company, Oceanic Organic Saison

Lakefront Brewery, Lakefront Organic ESB

New Belgium Brewing Company, Mothership Wit

Oakshire Brewing Company, Mud Puddle, Subtext Organic PNW Red Ale

Redrock Brewing Company, Organic Zwekiebier, Organic Pale Ale

Peak Organic Brewing Company

Green Valley Brewing Company, Stone Mill Pale Ale

Samuel Smith Brewing Company

“Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy”

-Benjamin Franklin

photo credit:  www.illinoisbeer.com

Stephanie Benney is a “Sustainable Visionary” and also the new Pittsburgh Representative for Fuzed Marketing, where she helps companies increase their brand presence. stephaniebenney@yahoo.com

You will go as far as the five people you are closest to. It’s true. Think of the five people you spend the most time with. Are they not in about the same position in life as you? Same type of friends? Same type of neighborhood. Same socioeconomic group? Same values? Same interests?

There is nothing wrong with this if you are comfortable with where you are in life. If you want to experience something differently, do something differently. That doesn’t mean dump all of your good friends. It does mean start spending time not just with people who WANT to change, but with people who ARE where you want to be. Often people in transition lean on each other which is a great source of support that should be nurtured. However, you need to also reach out of that comfort zone if you want to live out of that comfort zone.

If you seek a richer career, spend time with people who are in one. If you seek closer friends, spend time with people who are good friends to others and to whom you will be a good friend. If you are single and prefer to be married, spend time with people who are in good marriages and observe how they approach compromise and how they listen. If you want to lose weight, spend time with people who are health conscious.

If you only spend time with and listen to people who are thinking and seeking the same thing as you, you will continue to think the same things you’ve been repeating to them ie: “If I could just stay on this diet I’d be thinner.” “If companies were only hiring, I’d get a job.” “There aren’t any good men left.”

Remember, you are what you attract. If you complain about how rotten things are, things will be rotten. If you use affirming statements in the first person such as, “I am thin.” (Not, “I will be thin.”)   “I have a great job.” “I have found the love of my life.” you will start to find that which fulfills you!

Branch out of your comfort zone and create new relationships with those who you admire. It is certainly harder to do this than it is to continue to simply be with your old friends doing the same things you’ve always done. If you take the risk and explore new friendships you will be energized by the experience and inspired to try new things. It is incredibly reinforcing to continue to see examples of people who have accomplished that which you seek. So bring those people into your inner circle and be a trusting friend to them. They will in turn value your friendships and serve as a great source of support. Start now!

Mary Lee Gannon is an executive coach and turnaround expert who
went from being a stay-at-home mother with four children to divorce,
poverty and then on to become a newspaper reporter, trade
association executive director, public relations consultant, and
foundation president and CEO. View Mary Lee’s free career tips,
worksheets and Blog on her website at www.startingovernow.com.
Contact Mary Lee or sign up for her free e-newsletter at
info@startingovernow.com.

Most of us have tried something new, loved it and then asked ourselves why we had not done it sooner. Sometimes the answer to that question is that we simply were not ready to accept a new way of thinking, feeling or doing into our lives until now. Recently, I integrated some holistic health practices into my lifestyle. The themes of balance, flexibility, readiness and acceptance emerged.

In late August, I visited Ayurveda Wellness Center & Holistic Spa outside Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania – and experienced my first, five-day, seasonal Pancharkarma – an ancient Vedic cleansing, rejuvenating and balancing program for the mind and body. The program included consultations with an Ayurvedic physician and healer. Body treatments involved daily warm oil massages, herbal steam therapy, and third-eye oil drip sessions. My Panchakarma was an authentic holistic health and luxury spa experience combined.

Balance & Flexibility
Ayurveda means ‘science of life’ and is a natural, complementary and preventative program for conventional medicine. The Ayurvedic approach emphasizes that people have unique combinations of energy (doshas) that make up mind-body types. Doshas become imbalanced when toxins due to poor diets, environmental pollutants and emotional stress build up in the body resulting in less than ideal health. Check out Ayurveda: A Quick Reference Handbook to learn more.

My dosha diagnosis helped me understand how to work with my body’s natural needs instead of against them through different food choices, herbal supplements and essential oils. After following a more dosha-balanced diet for the past two months, I’ve lost five pounds and enjoy feeling satisfied after eating – not full. My new appreciation for the healing power of food has opened doors to necessary books, classes and personal encounters that also bring more balance and depth to my life right now.

In addition to proper diet and detoxifying treatments, the Ayurveda lifestyle promotes the practice of yoga to balance the body. Previously, I held a limiting belief that ‘yoga was not for me’ due to a lack of patience. My dosha diagnosis explained that too frequent, high-impact cardio workouts were contributing to energy imbalance. I now practice different types of yoga several times a week and love it. My strength and flexibility are increasing as I continue to develop patience through yoga. I also sleep more regularly and deeply. Taking this new workout approach demonstrated an energetic shift for me. Doors opened to a new hobby – and a yoga retreat in Provence this spring!

Readiness and Acceptance
Accepting a bit of newness in one area of life often declares us ready for other things to unfold. Exploring Ayurveda and experiencing Panchakarma opened a door that unlocked some unexpected potential along my self-development journey.

Different eating habits and workouts are simply new pieces that fit nicely into the present puzzle of my lifestyle. What matters most is the valuable reminder these new pieces provide – to increase self-awareness, balance and flexibility – as I continue to accept the overall flow of my life with grace and gratitude.

What piece of newness are you ready to accept into the flow of your life right now? Where are you ‘stuck’ in ways of thinking, feeling and doing that block you from tapping into greater potential and opportunity?
Challenge yourself to open a door and accept something new. Ready? Accept. Flow.

Jill Mazza is an ICF Credentialed Coach and corporate trainer helping clients to communicate with increased control, clarity, and confidence on the job and in personal relationships. Contact: mazzacoaching@gmail.com.